Love, Art, Pain, and Everything in Between.
My Journey to Becoming an Established Children’s Book Illustrator.
26th Sept 2024
Drawing and colouring with my sisters and Martha the cat, 2000 (5 year old Rachael on far right)
My story begins like so many other creative’s, in that I always knew I wanted to pursue art from the moment I picked up a pencil. I would spend hours scribbling away elaborate scenes of people in marketplaces set thousands of years ago, of people haggling for fruit, caring for their babies or dancing together in the street. I would even include little urban animals running through the legs of passers-by, trying to get to the food that’s fallen from carts. When the paper wasn’t there, my pen would turn to the walls and doors. Our house wasn’t particularly well-decorated because of our low income, and by that point, my mum had given up on trying to make it look nice. My bedroom door was covered in drawings and stickers, warning people not to enter, with spiders and creatures crawling up the panels. I even drew a letter box halfway down, with two eyes looking through as a warning (I was quite the boisterous 9-year-old). At Christmas, instead of presents for our parents, my sisters and I would each start creating a book of colourings and drawings around September every year. We would present them to our mum and dad before we’d even open our own presents on Christmas day. We were so excited to see their reactions as they thumbed through pages of made up wordsearches, and endless drawings of snowmen, nativity, and winter wonderland scenes. I am immensely lucky that both my parents have creative sides and always encouraged each one of us to express ourselves in this way. I firmly believe that if I hadn’t had that around me as a child, I certainly wouldn’t be where I am today with my illustration.
My time at St John’s C of E Primary School in Ainsdale confirmed that maths, science, and generally anything logistical would fall on very blind eyes and very deaf ears with me. On the other hand, it only further confirmed that creativity was an area where I was intended to thrive. I’m sure if you could peek inside my brain during my Art, English, and Music class, the right hemisphere of my brain would have been lit up like a Christmas tree. However, out of all my creative classes, it was clear that art was my true calling. This passion continued into High School and Sixth Form, where my GCSEs and A Levels encouraged me to explore various forms of art. I created projects inspired by themes such as contemporary realism, the Renaissance era, comic book illustration, animal, and human studies, and even photography. I was always challenged with every project, and I adored each one. Although I found high school very hard at times, battling with turbulent relationships, a difficult home life, and a seemingly constant identity crisis, I found that art class was my home. I will be forever grateful to the most incredible art teachers at Formby High, Mrs Clarke, and Mr Collins. They provided a memorable and wonderful experience whilst I was there, and I’ve carried their support with me all this time. During sixth form in 2013, whilst experiencing my first heartbreak and feeling like the world was falling from underneath me, my art kept me grounded. I managed to achieve an A* in art, which reflects how I had learned to channel my emotions and focus into my work. They do say “Great art comes from great pain”. However, I must stress that it’s not always the case…
Sketchbooks from GCSE and A Level art at Formby High School
After sixth form, I applied to some fine art course at numerous universities. I quickly learnt from the interview feedback that I was more suited to illustration as opposed to fine art and that I could benefit from taking part in a foundation course to develop this further. I took the advice, and chose to attend Liverpool Community College, a place where I could figure out which artistic route to venture down. I thoroughly enjoyed this course because it allowed me complete freedom to create whatever I wanted. Whether it was sculpting, ink work, sewing, or illustration, I was able to fully explore my creativity, and my curiosity and playfulness were completely ignited during this time. However, whilst unfortunately going through another bad relationship, my focuses drifted elsewhere towards the end of the course. To my own disappointment, my attendance became poor and I only came away with very average grades. Something I wasn’t quite used to happening before, especially as I’d usually thrived in my art through the bad times.
Luckily, my grades were still strong enough to secure a place on the Graphic Design and Illustration course at Liverpool John Moore’s University. However, I initially found the first year incredibly overwhelming. I was juggling the freedom of living away from home for the first time, managing an ongoing unstable relationship, experiencing the opportunity to drink and party endlessly, whilst mourning a friend passing away… and I was meant to create amazing art throughout all of this? The fact is, I didn’t. I created the worst art I’d ever made in my life and received very average grades again. And it was the first time I didn’t really care. Life was trying it’s best to wear me down, except this time I let it.
It was just before second year of Uni when I ended the bad relationship and unexpectedly came across a new, wonderful one. The one I’m still in now, 9 years later. Funnily enough, the moment I realised relationships didn’t have to be all drama and turmoil 24/7, I learnt that it was possible for other things in your life to thrive. Life became peaceful for the first time ever. As I was falling in love properly for the first time, I was falling back in love with my art again too. My passion was reignited, and I had a familiar fire back in my heart. This continued through to third year, where I took my Uni work much more seriously and thrived as a result. I ended the year proudly achieving a First BA honours degree, and it felt good to be back on my game. By this time at 22 years old, I had unfortunately lost two of my friends in death, soon to be followed by a third friend a few years later. Death felt immensely prominent in my life, and I was compelled to write about it in my dissertation. The title read ‘The Concept of death in Picture books – does death in children’s books help us understand mortality?’. Although a rather sombre topic, I still loved writing every single word, perhaps as a form of therapy. I’m happy to say I received a first for this too. I would like to write more on the topic of death one day, in terms of how we learn from it and how it shapes us as people, and I’m very sure I will.
LJMU Graduation Day 2017
During my third year of Uni, I had begun an Instagram account for my artwork. At first it was a place to dump all my developmental work for fun, and to see where the account would go. There was no plan of action or notion to turn anything into a business. I was just winging it. During this time, I also found myself reluctantly moving back home to live with my dad to save money. I say "reluctantly" because I was an inspired and eager 22-year-old, who couldn’t wait to travel the world and break out of her hometown and experience everything!!! But I had no money, and I kind of needed money to do all of that. So, I saved my Uni loan and grants, and continued to work in bar and retail jobs that frankly, I hated. Mostly because I spent my 10-hour shifts sweeping floors and folding clothes when all I wanted to do was draw and create things that were meaningful to me. This became a very dark time for me, and I was soon able to identity the experience as 'Post graduate depression.' Something that desperately needs to be more talked about with young people.
Somehow between shifts and emotionally low episodes, I found time to create and post as much art as I could. I started to gain more traction on my Instagram page, and as my like counts grew, so did my following. I had noticed people were starting to ask to buy my work too. Buy my work? People actually wanted my work, and I could make money from that?! After this realisation, it didn’t take long before I set up an online print store and personal commission business. And it took off!
I remember being congratulated by a co-worker on our shift for the success she’d seen on my Instagram.
“It’s so amazing to see, Rach. Maybe you could go full time one day?”
“Yes, that’s certainly the plan!” I said, hopefully.
“Yeah, maybe give it a year or two and you might be able to.” She replied.
My stomach dropped. A year or two might not seem like a long time to some, but to 22-year-old Rach it seemed like a lifetime. I left the job the same week and started my professional illustration career imminently, with no idea of what lay ahead.
Now this is a very, very important point to make. In no way shape or form would I have been able to go full time if I had been paying out for rent or a mortgage, or bills, or a family. I was very fortunate to live at home for free with no other commitments whilst earning very little income from my business. But I had to start somewhere. I have my dad and my partner to thank for this time in my life, because they both gave me the support and more importantly, the space I needed to become all consumed by my craft and to push myself to my creative limits. While it wasn’t always the healthiest time in my life, I often look back at 23-year-old Rach with gratitude. I appreciate the sacrifices, the sleepless nights, the months and months of research and trial and error, as they as they were crucial in getting me to where I am today as a children’s book illustrator. A year later, after significantly growing my online presence, selling prints and commissions to customers globally, collaborating with companies such as Teen Vogue, Vans Girls, In The Moment Magazine, and having my work reposted by huge designer brands such as Rodarte (pinch me!), the most famous publishing house in the world eventually reached out to me. Penguin Random House.
They invited me to a meeting in London where I could showcase my portfolio to the children’s book team. It was the first time my career began to feel REAL. I felt incredibly unprepared, and my imposter syndrome warning signal started to flash bright red and continued to do so for the foreseeable. I was met by the lovely designer, Stephanie Jones, who immediately made me feel calm and welcomed, and we went on to have an exciting and eye-opening meeting with the Puffin team. It was an eye-opening meeting because I had realised that before I went in I didn’t have a clue what they wanted to see. Their questions and comments made me realise what was expected from a portfolio... and boy did I take notes! Although the meeting went well, I was unprepared and looking back I wish I had taken more work to show them. Despite this, I knew I was now on their radar. Fortunately, it wasn’t long before my amazing agency, Pickled Ink, reached out to represent me for children's book work. My hard work had finally paid off! I was getting noticed by an industry I knew was almost impossible to break into, and my thirst for pursuing my craft further was only growing more by the day.
The next two years consisted of working on constant book projects (thanks my wonderfully tenacious agent, Charlie Bowden), and I also finally managed to fit in a 3-month travelling trip around Southeast Asia with my lovely partner. It was probably the best time of my life so far, but I don’t think I knew it at the time. Certainly, as the following year brought us the most turbulent, and darkest time the modern world has ever seen with the Covid lockdowns. My lockdowns were bleak, and hilarious, and terrible, and wonderful and overwhelming. All the positive moments came as a result of my younger sister moving back home. It was one of the most confusing but special times of my life, and I couldn’t have got through it without her.
Lock down brought many terrible things, but I was incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to work with so many wonderful authors on some amazing book projects throughout. I remember on one random lock down day, an unsuspecting moment caught me off guard. It was a phone call from my agent.
“Rachael I was just wondering… do you like Jacqueline Wilson?”
My breath seemed to instantly vanish from my body. Jacqueline Wilson? The author whose books I, along with every other millennial girl in the UK, was obsessed with growing up? The very same author whose illustrator I had aspired to be like as a child? I thought.
“Erm YES!!!” I managed to gush out.
“Would you like me to put you forward-,”
“YES YES YES!!!” I shouted.
The opportunity was for me to go up against several other illustrators for the job of taking on the reigns from the iconic illustrator, Nick Sharratt, and to become Dame Jacqueline Wilson’s new illustrator. That’s just a silly sentence right there. Little Rachael Dean from a little unknown village called Ainsdale, being considered as the new illustrator for one of the most famous children’s authors in the country? Nahhhh!!!
When I tell you I worked hard for this, I mean I worked hard! I spent weeks researching styles, colour palettes, character designs, rereading her old books which I already had sitting on my bookshelves. However, in no way shape or form did I believe I would actually get the job. I simply thought I’d at least show Puffin who I was and what I could create. Perhaps I wouldn’t be suitable for Jacqueline Wilson, but maybe another author instead? Months passed by, and after I had submitted the first collection of work to be reviewed by the Puffin team, I received the news that I had got through to the second stage of the process. A tiny glimmer of hope sparked in me. Could this… actually happen?
After working just as hard on the second collection of work and sending it off, it was simply a waiting game. Then on one unsuspecting night in a miserable January lockdown, whilst I was making gyozas and almost 2 years after I’d started my children’s book illustration journey, I received the phone call. I had been chosen by Puffin and my childhood idol, Jacqueline Wilson herself, to become her new illustrator. It’s safe to say it was one of the best moments of my life so far.
Celebrating publication day for my first title with Jacqueline Wilson, 'The Primrose Railway Children', Sept 2021
I have now worked on 8 published titles with Jacqueline Wilson to date and taken part in numerous events on stage with her. She is just as lovely, wise, and sharp as you would imagine her to be, and I absolutely adore working on her projects. I can hardly believe that I get to read and illustrate her books as my job—rather than just reading them and scribbling my own illustrations in the end pages like I did when I was 8 (talk about manifestation!). Along with this, I now have 30 published books with many acclaimed authors such as Katya Balen, Louisa May Alcott, and Nicola Baker, and my work has been shortlisted for awards such as the Carnegie medal for illustration. Five years into the industry, and the red flashing imposter syndrome signal is certainly still there but now slowly beginning to fade. I'm finally starting to feel like I’m meant to be exactly where I am, and when I look back at all the hard work, the heartbreak, the chaos, and the love I’ve experienced around everything it took to get here, I know it was all worth it in the end.
Yours,
Rachael x
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